well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
