yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
