The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
