Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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