New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
