this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
