there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
