i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
