He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
