Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
