i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
