Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
