Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
