Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Come share oat with me in your robe
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Randomize
