I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
