the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Let's paint friendship bongs
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
