so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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