the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
