Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Randomize
