Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
you made out with another girl for some wings
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
