you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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