I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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