That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
