She said her name was "party"
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
