a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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