Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
