Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
