ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
The beer is more important than you right now.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Throwing up while listening to NPR because Iām trying to adult through this hangover
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
