guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
