I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
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