i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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