so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
