I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
