so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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