so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
