Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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