I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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