thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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