He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Randomize
