Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
