We won't sleep together?
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
