Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
