I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
