Well apparently he's into motor boating.
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
