Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Randomize
