he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
