In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
