Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
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