i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I think I just shit out all my problems.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
