people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
