I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I wish I only lived at night.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
