I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
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