im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
