I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
